Are You Feeling Stupid At Work? I’m Here to Help.
Several months ago I posted an article called, “It’s Okay to Feel Stupid Sometimes.” In it I said that sooner or later, most of us will eventually run into a situation where we are in over our heads. And for a while, we will feel stupid. Being a sympathetic and encouraging career advisor, I went even further to say that feeling stupid is not only normal, it is actually a good sign. It means that you are growing and stretching beyond your comfort zone; that you are open to learning. Perhaps feeling stupid could even be a stepping stone to your next big promotion. I was dispensing some good, practical advice.
Like most of my Blog articles, I figured this one would run its course for a few days of activity, and then everyone would go away and forget about it. But a strange and mysterious phenomenon has been occurring. My “Stupid” post has turned out to be a smart draw to my Blog. “It’s Okay to Feel Stupid Sometimes” is slowly climbing its way to becoming the top all-time post here at STC. Almost every day since the original posting, it continues to get page views as a result of the following Google search:
“I feel stupid at work.”
That’s right. Vulnerable souls all across the world are sitting down at their computers every day, tapping that desperate phrase into their Google search bar, and landing right here at Shrinking the Camel. Well, friends, you have come to the right place. I am here to serve you.
Apparently there is an incredibly underserved market of employees in the workforce who are struggling at their jobs. I assume these people are simply looking for advice, support and encouragement. But I can’t help wondering what is behind this odd new trend. Are there really that many stupid workers out there, aside from myself? Have I possibly discovered a new niche?
I would like to try a little experiment. A Blogging focus-group, if you will. Here’s the deal: If you have found this post as a result of a Google search about feeling stupid at work, can you please tell me what’s going on? Can I help? Is there a book I should write on this subject, one that you would be willing to shell out $21.95 for? Really, I am very, very curious. I want to know what’s going on with you.
So. Leave a comment, and tell me in five hundred words or less what the circumstances are that are causing you to feel stupid at work, and what it is that you are hoping to find in your internet search.
This could be your big chance to get in at the ground floor of an entirely new workforce movement. I look forward to hearing from you.
Trackbacks
- Letters to Shrinking the Camel: “Help! I Feel Stupid At Work!” « Shrinking the Camel
- Does Your Boss Makes You Feel Stupid? Here Are Some Tips. « Shrinking the Camel
- Does Your Boss Make You Feel Stupid? Here Are Some Tips » bad boss, Faith, Perseverance, The Boss from Hell, Work, Workplace » InsideWork
This is a great point, and thanks for posting about this topic. I remember one of my more recent performance reviews, and the comments were favorable. However, my manager said something about “lack of confidence”. All of a sudden, all of those little (or big goof ups) on projects suddenly made sense. It wasn’t that I was stupid; it was that I just didn’t trust myself and didn’t “follow my gut”. My phrase is a more of, “I’m an idiot” or “I can’t do it” (which is just another version of “I’m stupid”).
I once took a seminar that revealed many people have some sort of internal mantra like this…”nobody likes me”, “I won’t make it”, “I’m stupid”, etc. Even after an engineering degree and two masters along with other successful projects, I still think I’m the worst & most inept idiot in the world sometimes.
Brad, I think you have a great idea…and I think people would be willing to shell out 21.95 for a book regarding this topic.
Also, one thing I’m learning is that sometimes people just aren’t doing the sort of work that truly fit them as individuals. For example, I’m not a very detail oriented person so sometimes I just miss things because I’m focused on simply completing the task or focusing on how it fits into the big picture. Believe me…I used to consider myself an idiot every time I missed any little detail. Now I know it’s just not me, and I have to double/triple check myself now.
With that being said, I call my passion “career fitness”. I write regularly for people who are eager to find careers that fit their personalities, their values, and their lifestyles. Nothing is more rewarding than doing work that really calls to you.
Good luck on the new book!
D. Robinson
http://www.careercougar.com
careercougar.wordpress.com
could it have something to do with so many people looking for work?
it is good of you to offer your support to those having
feelings of doubt or failure in their position.
it will be interesting to see what is on the other side of this door.
During the last two-and-a-half years, my team at work has spent a lot of time on professional development. More than any other non-IT department in a company of 23,000, our work is all about electronic communication — web sites, intranets, online research, social media, email news. This stuff changes so rapidly that we have to spend a lot of time understanding what’s happening, internalizing what works for us, and then helping the rest of the company do the same thing. We have plenty of opportunities for feeling stupid, but we generally are doing a good job of keeping up. It’s the fun part of “stupid in the workplace” — learning new things.
That’s one kind of “stupid” — falling behind in your knowledge of what’s happening and changing in your work.
Then there’s what I might call “political stupid” — not understanding or following the changing political dynamics in the workplace. I wrote about this in May on my blog, under the title of “When Work Gets Irrational.” This is the harder of the “two stupids.” You have to be perceptive enough to pick up on what’s happening, but have enough integrity to stay out of it. And if you stay out of it, it may engulf you and your team. In the example I cited in the post, I was perceptive enough to pick up on it — but dealt with a wall of “everything’s fine; nothing’s wrong” until the tidal wave hit, leaving broken trust and broken relationships in its wake.
Of the two, the second is the harder to learn, the more difficult to deal with, and the more destructive.
Write that book.
I wonder if “I feel stupid at work” also means “I’m being treated like I’m stupid by my employer.”
Right now, I’m going to just be happy that my supervisor/employer doesn’t make me feel stupid!
Career Cougar – Thanks for the visit and sharing your personal experiences! Yes, the “Imposter Syndrome” is getting more coverage – last week the Wall St. Journal did a whole feature on it. It’s all part of “feeling stupid”, I guess!
Glynn – You bring up a really interesting part of this, which is the “poliical intelligence” side of things, and yes, can be very tricky. SOunds like you have a few things you could teach others about that.
Nancy- I have no idea if it has to do with people out of work… I think it’s more people working and uncertain about their fate.
Marcus – I think you hit on a real big one, too – “MY boss makes me feel stupid”. Another angle altogether.
You are all showing me that feeling stupid at work is a very complicated subject! Let’s see what else comes up.
i need to be smart enough to come up with ways to conect and relate with people that are interested in high quality wine.
new ways, old ways, a combination?
what would interest people?
that is what i am up against right now.
Remarkable.
These days, I try not to describe myself in such terms. Sure, we can be in need of new knowledge, in need of discernment and wisdom… maybe there are skills we need to acquire….
but, hey, we are also already amazing, are we not?
Cool post, Brad. I’m glad for this little observation and looking forward to what big results may come.
Cool post, Brad. I am glad for this little observation and looking forward to what big results may come.
I am new to the job and am the junior-most person in the whole project team of 20 (including a manager).
I am enthusiastic, and do my job well and am a perfectionist. But sometimes in our group meetings (which happen every week)..I get this feeling that I am not participating and blurt out something just for the sake of participation (and also from enthusiasm)…but as it happens I am somewhat new and end up feeling stupid after making the comment as people more experienced in the project can clearly see that it is for the sake of participation…..I make the comment and then feel so stupid,like I wanna jump from the building….I think part of it is because I am not very confident.
Ganesh – First thing: You WILL become more confident the more time you spend with the project team. Second thing: You are probably WAY more worried about your comment than everyone else is. (3) You deserve SMART points because of your enthusiasm. D. Make sure to always be prepared, whatever your tasks are, so that you will look smart when the right moment comes.
Give it time, man! You are on your way!
Thanks for sharing.
Who’s next?
I feel stupid at work whenever I answer questions too quickly without analyzing it first. For example, I was at a committee meeting months ago where one of the Director asked me a question (my mind would freeze up when there’s a lot of eyes on me) so I answer quickly without thinking it through. Whenever this happen I always feel stupid afterward when I know I could have answered it another way or I know the answer and would not provide more details because I feel I might get nervous and make myself look even more stupid. Yes, this is definitely a confidence issue!! Today, I felt stupid at work for returning a call to one of the Director to tell her that we will not be including the person she wants to attend our meeting because we think it’s unnecessary to have this person create a new window within our system to capture this specific information. When I told her that she said, “Well, someone is confused because that’s not what I said.” My mind scanned through what she said and I was pretty sure she said that. Then she said that she can do that system setup and what this person can do is generate a report where it will give us all the changes that were done after the record was entered. I then remembered my boss had told me that she was told this would not be possible so I told her that. The Director said she doesn’t believe it and where did I get my information. I stupidly give her my supervisor name and then fumble through an explanation that sounded like I was making this up when that’s what I was told. She made me questioned myself if I am the confused one and didn’t catch on to what she said the first time. At the end, I told her if she wants, my supervisor is in her office if she would like to talk to her. I felt stupid transferring the call to my boss and feel “what if” I did misinterpreted what she said the first time. I feel this Director thinks I was lying/dumb and don’t know if she confirmed with my boss if the information give her was true. So I feel stupid and think I will feel even more stupid when I face her at our scheduled meeting..which I am not looking forward to! This had made me beat myself up all day and am still trying to shake if off.
Cee Cee – Yes, you are dealing with a confidence issue and some insecurity. You probably assume that everyone thinks you are not going to give a correct answer to begin with, so you are feeding your brain with those negative xpectations, which makes you nervous, which makes you panic and actually fulfill your own expectations by saying something less-than-smart. (Ok , maybe it even sounded stupid!) BUt you and I know that you are NOT stupid!! Start reminding yourself of how smart and knowledgeable you are, and how your boss and those around you need your valuable opinions. You have got to re-direct the negative chatter in your brain. Take a deep breath, take your time, and don’t short-change your own capabilities.
I think you could use a good mentor – someone to talk you through all of this and remind you of the bold, creative, smart, confident person that God designed you to be.
A mentor is a great idea! In my case, I had all these negative perceptions and beliefs in speaking situations which resulted in freezing up and mumbling all the time whenever I had to share an idea with more than 1 person… anyways, long story short, I found a professional who met with me every week for cognitive behavioral therapy sessions.
It came down to rationalizing the situation with his help until I could spot my own negative thought habits and correct them, then gradual real-world exposure from easy to most difficult speaking situations. After 4 months and constant practice, my beliefs have taken a 180 degree turn, and with it, my symptoms, self-confidence, and behavior!
Highly recommend CBT for anyone with moderate to sever issues with confidence in public speaking- weather with 1 person, 2 people, or a group of 20.
Friggin’ awesome advice from someone who actually lived through it. Three cheers for you, Daniel. I hope others see your initiative and courage and follow. Others talk and whine, but you actually faced the beast head on. Great!
I am feeling horrible right now and I came across your blog. I am a graphic designer. I had a good job previously and I got along very well with all my co-workers including my boss. Unfortunately, I was laid off (not due to job performance-the company merged and was down-sizing) and had to take another job, which is where I am now for the past 8 months. I feel like a first class moron everyday at my current job. I never felt so stupid and incompetent before in my life–ever. My current boss even keeps an error list on me so each time I screw up, it is recorded. I am basically as good as the sum of my failures. Anything good that I do is hardly ever noticed. My creativity and talent simply does not matter at this place. I am fine with constructive criticism, since that is how we learn better ways of doing things and we grow from that. At my previous job, if I made a mistake my former boss would point it out to me and basically we would figure out how to proceed next and what I can do in the future to prevent the same error from happening again. Anytime I am given advice on how to do something better, I do appreciate it and I let the person who tells me the advice know it. We are all human and by nature, imperfect. But when I am spoken down to in a condescending matter and made to feel like such a awful stupid loser every minute of the day, I have a hard time concentrating-and this then leads to another screw up. I cry at my desk hoping that no one will notice. I am always afraid of the next time I mess up at this job and when it happens I am petrified of when my current boss finds out. When I was driving to work today, I honestly wished that a big Mac truck can crash into me–I would have preferred that than to come in to this place. What a horrible thought. I know with this economy, I should be glad that I am at least working and I am. But I wish the economy was better so I would not be stuck at this place. Saying your job is only a step above unemployment is not a good thing at all. OK, thanks for reading my rant.
i’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through! Hang in there. Find something in life that you enjoy and don’t let your job define who you are. Life is more than ur ability to run through some code efficiently. You seem to be a hardworker, and i’ve faced failures even working at my best.
that said. find another job quick and move away. ur life isn’t worth pleasing ur boss. Ur life is the most important thing to you and hopping to die from stress (which i know…) is simply not worth it. and PLEASE find people who will encourage and love you! You have to see life’s worth beyond work…
This blog is amazing! Tsuris…I feel the very same way. I was laid off from a great job that I loved waking up for each day. I was confident, had a lot of responsibility and was definitely on a path to success. I finally found a job after a few months in a very prestigious company, but the learning curve is incredibly steep and my colleagues seem to enjoy watching me struggle to keep up. And Tsuris – I get it all the time “just be glad you have a job”. Guess what, if you have a job – you have every right not to enjoy it, complain about it, and wish that you will had something better. I think we all need to realize that this is just a job – you can always find another (even in a bad economy).
Anon – Hey, thanks for dropping in and sharing about your sitch!
You guys wouldn’t believe the emails I’m getting too. Most of them are quite sad, unfortunately. So I am trying to give just a bit of encouragement wherever I can: keep your head up! Things will work out! And come here and vent whenever you want, because I am listening!
Anon – All the best to you, my friend. I will say a prayer for you today.
I’ve been working with a company for almost 5 years now. Its the first and only company I have ever worked for. I recently shifted to a separate office location but essentially within the same department. Consequently I have a new boss and a new team that I work with. In my previous team my boss and co-worker had great confidence in my abilities and I was often the go-to person when they needed help solving a problem.
Unfortunately my new team is filled with ppl who have many more years of experience on them and I tend to feel a little isolated in this team. I so identify with many of the posts listed above about people freezing up when asked questions. I have this fear of people rejecting my ideas because of which a few times when talking with my boss I’ve expressed an idea and it comes out all muddled and just about coherent. My boss may partially understand it but worse yet I think I’ve given him the impression that I’m in-experienced. I feel almost certain that he doesnt even listen to what I have to say when I open my mouth during team meetings, he just glosses over whatever I say without even giving it a proper thought or response. Even though I’ve realised my mistake about being unclear and I am more clear now, it just doesn’t count. I’m struggling with his low-expectations to prove myself as a worthy contributor in the team. It would help greatly if he gave me constructive criticism on what is wrong with my ideas or how to improve but its sort of an awkward situation in which he just has me on his team, thinks I’m stupid and doesn’t really want to tell me that.
Which leaves me in a quandry on how to grow and is slowly affecting my self-confidence because it is hard when everyone just expects you to fail. I had great hopes with my new team of more responsibilities, but my boss only gives me less critical work that doesn’t really stretch my skills and capabilities. I give every task I’m assigned my best, but I struggle with constantly demotivating thoughts that I’m not really making a difference or providing any real value, even though I really believe I have a lot to offer. I’m not really able to bring all my talents to making a real impact at my workplace and this often demoralizes me.
Struggling to prove…. your story sounds SO similar to what I am going through. I struggle with the exact same self defeating thoughts. Everytime I do some incorrect or out of sequence… I actually find myself verbally stating how stupid I am… I know I need self talk in a positive way – that just seems so far out of reach for me sometimes. I have a lot to offer… but you know what task I walked away with from this last meeting….. I was volunteered to put all of the other’s ideas and input in a binder. Now surely I can do that….
I am smart, I know I am…. but I just can’t find my groove to prove it in this job. I feel your pain. This is a great site and hopefully you and I both can come out of this fog that surrounds us and shine like we should be able to.
Dear Struggling-
Well, you have done a good job of articulating the jumbled mess of what feeling stupid at work is like. You hit several important points: 1) You made one mistake that you think your boss now has totally written you off as stupid (2) you are now displaying behavior that might me consistent with that (3) All of your thoughts are telling you that you are stupid and anything you say or do will sound stupid…
It’s a vicious cycle, my friend. Now how to reverse it? Well, here are some thoughts for you:
- Your old boss (the one who thinks you rock) – can you enlist him to give you a hand? Do NOT be afraid to approach those alliances and ask them for help. That’s how the system works, buddy!
- Any team members that you are developing a relationship with? You need support and an ally on the inside, too. Scope out someone who you think can get on your side – Take them out for lunch or a drink after work and show them how brilliant you really are. It will help having just one person you know who believes in you.
- Kill the negative self-chatter!! You have got to discipline your thoughts. I don’t care how you do it, but you have got to replace all that negative talk with positive talk. I always start with God, and asking for His help on this.
- Keep the long term view. Woody Allen said that success is 80% just showing up every day. That’s part of what you need to do – show up every day and keep looking for opportunities to shine. Over time, I bet things will turn around for you.
Keep me posted!!
OMG. I am so glad to have found this. I am up early dreading going in to a meeting today. I am traveling w/ boss. First time ever working for a woman. More difficult in many ways.
She is so supporting and complimentary of other women in the field. She goes on and on about how great they are and they will be moving forward in their careers. I apparently am not detail oriented and miss a comma, hyphen, or period sometimes. I would buy your book today. I am drowning in self doubt. My stomach turns every time she is in the office. I wish there was a potion that I could drink before I see her and the potion would be called “I am smart & confident” – well maybe I would shorten the name.. but anyway… In other jobs I have always recvd glowing evaluations… she graded me as average last year – it was my first year in the role. I have been in the company for a little over a year. I feel like I am so lost sometimes.
Hey Fish:
Why not approach her and ask her exactly what she wants from you? What are the few specifics that you should focus on the most to improve your evaluation? At least she will think that you are taking her seriously.
I once had a boss (female) tell me I would never get promoted. Luckily, she moved out of state a few months later, and I got a new boss (also female). Luckily, she got laid off after a few more months, and I pitched my business case to my former boss’s boss and he loved it. But during that whole time with the former bosses I was GETTING PREPARED for the right move at the right time. Use this time to grow and grab onto something that you can use to make your mark in your area, to prove to the next boss what you are capable of. Sometimes we just have to wait things out and make the most of it while we can. Go and read my post called “Black Swans and Defining Moments” for more on this. copy these links.. http://shrinkingthecamel.com/2009/03/11/black-swans-and-defining-moments-of-your-career-part-1/
and here http://shrinkingthecamel.com/2009/03/15/black-swans-and-defining-moments-of-your-career-part-2/
Thank you. I did read the Black Swans bit. Good reading. I know that part of my issue is that I have no self confidence and am not happy with who or what I am. I am alway comparing myself to others and wanting to be like they are… or like they “appear” to be in my eyes. I feel like a cameleon at times. I just long to fit in – - in any situation I am in. I find it hard to be myself and to be relaxed… mainly because I don’t truly think I know who I AM. I feel like such an outsider in this company sometimes. My boss is so kind and “girlie talk” goofy with some of the others on “our team”. It seems more like some of them are girl friends on an outing rather than co-workers at a meeting. Yesterday at the airport going home my boss was standing 20 feet from me at the gate… granted she was on the phone and typing in to her black berry… but she never came over to me and said anything at all to me.. never even acknowledged I was there. We were on the same flight. I suppose I should have or could have gone over to her… but she just makes me so uncomfortable. I feel like I make her uncomfortable as well. I dont’ think she likes being around me. I don’t like being around her.. I think it is a cycle. Anyway.. .seems when we travel “together” that we are not together at all. There is so much to this story I just really want to feel confident. My plan is to bide my time in my current position and continue to improve in my duties under my current boss and see where this next evaluation leads me and then try and transfer to a different position within the company. Your site has been most helpful and I truly have enjoyed looking around it and reading your posts. You are a very good writer and have a wonderful way with words. Thanks for all the help you offer to ppl.
At my workplace I complained about the noise level (of others at the workplace. Basically one of the bosses said it was my problem. If I wanted to sound proof my office, then I could do that at my expense. But, she said, no one in the building should have to worry about noise, no exceptions. For some reason this makes me feel like an idiot. Now I’m spending a fortune sound proofing my office. That’s an expense that makes me feel stupid. Losing this argument makes me feel stupid. I just feel stupid.
Luce – Man on man, you are in quite a quandry!! Sounds like the work environment just doesn’t fit your work-style, and your boss is saying “Get over it!” Maybe it would have been better to poll a few others to see if the noise complaint could have been brought forward by several employees rather than just you… Then it wouldn’t get singled out as “your” problem. But too late for that, I guess. Maybe next time? Just a thought.
I bet once you’ve sound-proofed your office and everyone sees how awesome it is, they will all start visiting you and realizing what a brilliant move it was. They’ll say, “Wow, Luce was so smart and bold to soundproof his office – and he is so much more productive now!”
Really, I think the most important thing you can do is keep a positive, upbeat attitude about the whole thing. Maybe even make light of it, so your co-workers don’t think of it as a big deal. People may very well respect you for it in the end.
This blog starting to help me feel better today.
All of the posts here sound like they are from very professional business people. I am still in my teens and work at a fast food restaurant. I feel stupid all of the time! I make stupid little mistakes here and there, but even when I try to talk myself out of it and remind myself that nobody is perfect, it doesn’t seem to work.
Today I got a message from my boss regarding a mistake I made. When I was at the cash register the other day, a customer gave me rolls of coins in exchange for bills. Being stupid me, I didn’t check them and they turned out to be full of pennies instead of dimes… I felt so lousy and worthless the entire day.
I’m constantly comparing myself to my superiors and my fellow employees, but I feel like I’m the most stupid employee there. And I KNOW it’s a confidence issue. I don’t trust myself and people can easily make me question myself. How can I become more confident and not feel like such a stupid person all of the time? It’s really destroying my spirit…
Thank you to whoever bothered to read this or respond to it.
STC, thanks a lot for this and the previous post on feeling stupid at work. I was one of those folks that searched in google for “feeling stupid at work” and was directed right to this blog.
I am a friendly, hard-working and I’d like to think, intelligent person and I believe everyone in the small office I work in likes me…except I’m not sure about my boss.
I am a young professional and have a higher degree and job in a forward-thinking and challenging field, but can’t get past a certain point with my boss. Others in the office have praised my work; one of my superiors even told me once that I was the best writer in the office.
It seems as though my boss doesn’t see the good work I do, and never fails to point out the smallest mistake. He doesn’t recognize when I come up with ideas, and has even later posed them as his own. Most of my true mistakes are interpersonal communication errors with my boss. He sometimes calls out these mistakes in front of my coworkers with an arrogant smirk on his face, which not only makes me feel stupid but also embarrasses me. I am then left speechless or in a state of anxious confusion where I’m not able to clearly articulate my thoughts. Lately, it’s as though I feel this way whenever I’m communicating with him. The worst part is that I think he thinks I’m even more stupid than he thought before because of this.
I agree with your 4 reasons to feel okay about feeling stupid posted on your previous blog. But I want to confront the issue so my boss trusts me more. I just don’t know where to begin. In fact, I’ve been in a stalemate in terms of new project-related opportunities for about a year. My boss seems especially unwilling to have me work with our clients because he doesn’t appear to have any faith in my communication skills.
Any ideas on how to get past this wall?
Much thanks, Martin
Hi Martin! Thanks for dropping by. It sounds like you’ve got a realistic, objective assessment of the situation, and are approaching it directly by wanting to confront your boss about getting him to trust you more. You are absolutely on the right track – because your attitude is mature, calm and direct rather than emotionally charged and vengeful. Therefore, I am confident that you will see this through!
Now, here’s what I would do if I were you.
First of all, I would get some due-diligence started. Are there others in your office whom you trust that you can get some feedback from? Casually ask, “Oh, it’s funny that it seems my boss doesn’t have confidence in my work. What do you think?” Try to get a couple other perspectives to confirm what you are feeling, or get additional insight as to the operating style of your boss. Is he singling you out? Does he do this to all of his new hires, to “test” them? Does he have a history of playing favorites? etc.
Next, I would pull together any documentation you have that speaks to your performance – Evaluations, reviews, examples of superior work done, etc so that you have an aresnal of hard data which references your good work.
Then, work up the nerve and schedule that meeting with your boss. Yes, you definitely need to have that one-on-one conversation. Be sure to script it out, so you know EXACTLY what you want to say. It should go something like this:
– I believe I have been performing good work here and adding value to the organization (give your examples)
- I would like to contribute more to the team, and I would like to know what I need to be doing in order to do so (again, give examples of times where you think you should have been given an opportunity, and ask why you were not)
- Is there anything that you think I should be improving on in my work? Admit that you may get tongue-tied at times, but you are WORKING on that, and want to communicate better with him.
These questions should get you some feedback from the boss without coming off like you are pissed off and defensive (which you want to avoid). INstead, it sound like you are interested in improving your self, your position and your contributions. Above all, LISTEN to the feedback and make a plan to address whatever he/she presents.
Some of this may just be gaining confidence over time with this guy. You must push through!
Hope this helps a little. Let me know how it goes!
I did write in boss makes you feel stupid. This is after months of writing how to deal with difficult people and harrassment at work and speaking with my union.
It is not uncommon for me to feel frequently incompetent.
- rescheduling meetings just to find out the new meeting date is already taken but not written anywhere for me to know.
-not being told where he is so I can fully understand where he is or what to tell his supervisors when he will be back. Just to find out that I should have told them something vague and untrue.
-If i don’t answer fast enough to a question because I am on the phone or speaking to someone else… I get the I NEED YOU NOW NOT IN 5 MINUTES. In fact I was told one day that his dog comes to him when he snaps his fingers. 1. I didn’t know he had a dog. 2. Why would i care what his dog does? 3. Yes it was degrading.
-During meetings i have to take notes. Well, i get told quite frequently to read it back to him because my notes are not enough.
I transfered down to take this job because my husband got a promotion.
It is a nation wide company. (an autonomous office) I don’t fit in. I have the same education as the other people and infact I have more understanding of other positions due to working in a remote location (uncentralized) so I can do anyones job. *maybe not as well* I am not bragging only stating a fact. But I can do it.
I am not the same ethnicity so that is hard. I didn’t think it would be because I was majority in the previous town. I have been attempting to find my keffe (it left after my first appraisal.) I was drawn out to be (not forecasting, unreliable and inconsistant) My last 5 (we get them yearly) i was given excellent and infact positive rewards. Now if i do good i get nothing. If i do bad I get nothing. So i attempt to get my keffe back because it has been wittled away. Now I have nothing nice to say about my boss even to co workers who feel he is the best thing since since since man was invented. They don’t know him just that he is number 2 man. He jsut finished acting #1 man. So most just want to join the oh so important realm as he calls it. Where people go to honor the top brass. “knighted” – his words. Title has never been important to me. I have never felt it was what I was meant to honor. Acts, integrity and ability is more me. My keffe has wittled down to just core resentment and hatred. I fight with my ability to tell him to pound sand but i found after reading as much as I could. I am passive. He knows it. my coworkers see it and keep telling me to keep my head up but mainly i feel like I must be stupid. How can I ever measure up to the great #2. He is the most important. What will I do that draws his attention to me in a negative way. Nothing is worth as much as him. I never measure up and will never be par. Yes i agree with having a good home life. Without my spouses support I would be in a state of depression. Heck I might even be there now cause I don’t think people write like this while in a state of positive-about-me moods.
I don’t feel stupid because I’m in over my head. I’m not being asked to do anything more than I’ve done before.
No, I feel stupid because I can no longer do what I used to be able to do. Which I think means that I’m either dementing (though there is no family history, and I’m young enough that dementia is unlikely) or completely and utterly burned out on this job from being asked to do creative, but boring, things. Over and over again.
Here’s a sample: Think through the implications (of whatever) for the client. Analyze. Summarize your thoughts. Write them down. Oh, and remember that our future business (i.e. your next paycheck) relies on those thoughts being so blindingly insightful and compellingly expressed that the clients’ eyes literally melt from their orbits.
All right, you caught me. I never actually melted anyone’s eyeballs, but I used to be able to come up with thoughts that seemed insightful to me, that the bosses thought were first-rate, and that the clients said they found valuable. Now, I can’t get past the first hurdle. Nothing I come up with seems worth writing down. Everything I come up with seems stupid – either grossly obvious or unjustifiable.
Compounding the problem is the lack of motivation. These “insights” stink. They’re so bad that I don’t even want to think that I ever had these thoughts. So how much effort am I really putting into polishing the way they’re expressed?
It’s like writers’ block without the romance.
Hmmmm. If you can’t fake it any more, then it sounds like you need a change of pace, to do something else for a while, my friend. But before you run off, have you confirmed with others that your insights are really so stupid? Sometimes the best ideas are obvious. The most brilliant books and concepts are often very simple and straightforward – common sense, really. Are you expecting too much from yourself?
In any case, you need to get re-juiced up again. How about taking some time to attend an industry conference or convention, to get a fresh perspective on things while in a sunny, resorty location? Tell the boss you need more insights to keep up with the insights. I bet your boss will understand completely.
And let me know what happens!
writers’ block without the romance…
i like that.
Thanks for the advice. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the need for a change of pace/re-juicing.
It’s not clear that my employer will allow that (I’m not even sure they’d let me go to a conference on company time if I paid my own way), and I have some concern about where addressing the issue of burnout would lead. Still, you’ve tended to validate my sense that this does need to be addressed somehow, and I’m grateful.
I’d be happy to drop a line once things have sorted out. Thanks again.
I recently started my new job at a leading ad agency. I’ve had some previous experience in this capacity and this was communicated during my interview.
For the first day or two, I’ve had several co-workers come up to me, introduced themselves and tell me that they’re glad to have someone familiar to the inner-workings of the job on their team. What they don’t know is that my experience comes from a smaller agency and on a significantly smaller scale. (Think 100:1)
I feel that they might be overestimating my abilities.
That said, I feel absolutely stupid not being able to catch up on what is actually going on with my assigned accounts. It’s been 3 days and I have been scouring bits of information here and there trying to piece things together. I’m still not able to see the whole picture of things.
I understand the concept of a learning curve but seriously, I feel that I’m way in over my head and everyone I meet now seems to be shining with an aura of intelligence whereas I’m stuck at my desk having an anxiety attack on what I don’t know.
I have an assistant that’s been there for 3 months and even she’s more clued in than I am. I’ll be having another assistant join next week and at that point, I have no idea how to help her, let alone provide any direction.
Help?
I was dieing to get this job but now it seems I might not be ready for the role!
Monkey, monkey, monkey. You need a plan, my friend. Don’t just sit at your desk scouling in a panic attack while picking away at bits of information. Create your own orientation program! Since no one has done this for you, you need to show the team that you are no dummy, and that even a superstar who comes in fresh of the street is going to need a ramp-up phase. Break down the business into chunks of information that you need to know: by account, function, people, etc. Then go around and interview as many people as you can, saying, “I am trying to get my arms around the agency and it’s strategy and accounts, so that I can arrange my priorities. Can you tell me everything you know about x?” Set up a number of questions that will help you feel more in control of the situation. This way you are asking everyone for help, but in a very smart way.
Listen, no one expects a new person to come on board and get everything in three days. I don’t care how brilliant you are. Think more like three months, just to get your feet wet. You have GOT to give yourself a break and stop the negative self-talk.
Finally, don’t blow this opportunity for yourself. They hired you because you have experience. This job could change the course of your career history if you keep your wits about you and control the anxiety. Take one day at a time, and focus on learning rather than delivering brilliant results right now. Confidence comes over time. Don’t cave in.
Come back in four weeks and tell me how it’s going.
I am a 36 year old college graduate who is an Executive Assistant. My first “real” position was an Administrative position at an HR consulting company. Since this was my first admin job I was able to learn and grow. I was with this company for nearly 5 years, and then left the position for a higher paying job. I joined an Accounting firm. I had no idea what I was doing but managed. I supported 5 individuals and handled their schedules (day to day). These people were extremely needy and busy at the same time. No one was there to train me or even help me out as well. I worked there for over a year and after about 16 months was told I was being let go because “I was not the kind of Executive Assistant they wanted”- Now keep in mind I had been there for over year. No one ever communicated anything with me, ever. Getting laid off in a sense scarred me, but I managed to get a job I loved. I ended up at a travel company as an Executive Assistant. All was great, or so I thought. I ended up working with a woman who completely crushed my confidence. I am a very nervous person to begin with so intimidation seems to approach me everywhere I go. I worked there for nearly 2 years and was once again laid off (the company was merging). That was in October 2008. Upon getting laid off, my father suddenly got very sick and ended up passing away in June 2009. For over 6 months I took care of him (with the help of my sisters) 24/7. After he passed I knew I had to get a job. I was still really nervous about my skills. I was basically doubting my skills at any sort of office work, but ended up landing my current job as an Executive Assistant/Office Manager at a Management Consulting firm. I started in August of 2009 and it was rocky. If I am not sure of myself, I tend to make mistakes and once I make one, I make another etc….. I managed to get into the groove and was doing great until this week. In the past 2 weeks I have made dumb mistakes (purchasing non refundable airline tix, calendar timing issues, typos etc.) I leave feeling like a complete IDIOT and really am hard on myself. I am afraid of getting fired and seriously thinking I stink at working. I often wonder if I could even manage working in even the most mundane job. Part of my brain knows that is negative thinking but the other part is taking over. I do great work but once I mess up I continue to. With the mess ups come tons of negative thoughts and crying spells. Tonight I could cry for hours, beating myself up for being and IDIOT! I seriously don’t know what my problem is. It is like a switch—when I am on, I am on and when I am off I am off…ARGGGGGHHHH I hope I don’t get fired…
Meredith: Your first order of business, young lady, is to manage yourself. Yes, you need to take control of your own self, and quick. This negative self-talk is spinning out of control, and your other half (the real, better you) has got to take charge immediately. So what does that mean? Begin a rigorous boot-camp program of self-esteem and personal growth to boost your confidence and consciously manage your thoughts. Your personal program should go something like this: 1. Read, read, read. Get some personal growth books that will motivate, encourage and inspire you. Let me know if you need help and I will put a list together for you.
2. Get a personal coach. You need someone to keep you line, to tell you that you can do it, and not to give in. Is there a friend, a confidante? A shrink? (Seriously, therapy can be life-altering)
3. Make a list of your strengths and focus on them for a good while. Try the book StrengthsFinder 2.o http://www.strengthsfinder.com/113647/Homepage.aspx
4. Actively learn from others. Start meeting with people you admire at work and tell them you are looking to improve your performance – ask them what they think you can do to do better at work, how to learn and grow
5. Be proactive with your boss. Get a development plan together for your boss to be part of the program, so that he or she can buy into your growth as a person and as a professional.
Meredith – these are just some quick ideas as I head out to work this morning. Really, don’t give in to those self-defeating thoughts. You are better than that. And deep down, you know it.
Come back and tell me how you are doing.
I am back on this site to give an update!
When I wrote my posting, I was a mess. Tons of confidence issues and really just spinning downward!
I took your advice and began reading on how to brush up on my Executive Assistant skills. I was proactyive and began to get into a routine. Soon the negative feelings left.
Last Friday my position was eliminated. I still feel a bit nervous but overall and am sort of relieved. I now have the opportunity to meet withe career counselors and really decide what I want to do. I know one thing for sure- I like working with people, I care what happens to people and for me sitting in an office is not how I would want to spend my working years.
I owe you alot! Thank you for reading my post and responding! Thanks for the advice and for pointing me in the right direction- for sanity’s sake!
Bravo!
See? We really are changing the world through blogging!
Meredith, the bottom line is you will be successful because you are willing to take your bad experiences and learn from them by mobilizing yourself to become a better person. You’ll do great, I have no doubt.
I am here with another update….
I still am unemployed, but in the meantime have been temping at various companies. I just finished a 2.5 week assignment supporting a CEO of a Boston area Non-Profit. I was nervous but said my daily meditations that I am good enough, I can do a good job, I am a good employee…and guess what..I got an email from the CEO stating the following (I emailed him first thanking him for the opportunity to work with him because he was in meetings when I left yesterday):
I am so glad you e-mailed because I realized yesterday evening that I did not say thank you to you for the great help you were these past two weeks. I enjoyed your company, your work ethic and your efficient and effective work style.
Thank you so much. I am not sure if you are looking for a permanent job but if you are you could send me your resume and I can circulate it among my senior staff and to colleagues.
I was sooo grateful to get this email (and for the chance to send my resume along was a definite PLUS!)! I CAN DO IT!!! WE ARE NOT DUMB/STUPID/IDIOTS!!! We only think we are because other people tell us that! Don’t listen to them!! Trust me I listened for over 2.5 years and when I originally posted was a complete mess!!!!
THANK YOU!!!
Wow, I think you’ve opened a can of worms here, Bradley. Definately something that needs to be addressed. Maybe it’s partly due to poor managers; when someone believes in you and your work (even with occasional mistakes) your confidence grows. But if you don’t have that kind of support, and especially if you’re new at a job, I think it can lead to self doubt. And maybe with more people losing jobs and starting over at new ones, there are more insecurities? Add that to the fear of losing a job right now and managers knowing they can fire someone at a moment’s notice (at least in Idaho) and know they can fill that job quickly.
The other part of this is blocking the negative self talk before it gets out of control… for some, a constant challenge.
I leave work every day feeling like I’m a complete moron. I work in the social services field and I manage a program for people below the poverty level to get an opportunity to go to school, find sutible employment, and learn life skills. My program is really good, has great numbers, and I’m passionate about my people. The problem is my supervisor wants me to help out other people in our office and that makes me nervous. When I started I was thrown in with no training, kind of learn as you go, so I didn’t know I wasn’t doing things right. About 4 months ago they re-hired someone who worked there for 6 years and knows all the rules and regulations that I apparently don’t. My boss constantly compares me to this person and how much better they are than I am at about everything. We have a meeting and it turns into a praise session of this person. Now if my boss told me what she wanted me to do, then I’d be doing it.
I go to work every day, EVERY DAY, saying “I’m going to do a great job” and no matter what, I fail at something. My boss stops me no mater what I’m doing to make me come up front and be the clerical aid, make copies, answer the phone, or file. I hate this, I didn’t get a BA degree to do someone’s over flow; but I don’t complain I always come up to people and ask what I can do to help them, if they need copies or whatever. I don’t complain when I have to use my own car and gas to run errends, I don’t complain when I have to go hand deliver 50 letters to an apartment complex across town when they don’t want to use the postage. Dosen’t matter, I frown once and suddenly “I do nothing but complain”.
My boss also has the habbit of lying to me about anything. She wants to make something more severe so she makes up some regulation or rule in hopes that I’m too dumb to question it. She is also a micromanager (but swares up and down that she’s not). I need approval for everything and I have to wait hours to get a signature on something, which always puts me behind. She wants me to be a team player so I do everything I can to help, but it’s never good enough.
This leaves me thinking about what is wrong with me and why I’m not doing a good job outside my program. If they would hire someone to do clerical, I think it would completely solve the problem, or nearly. I’m tired of crying every day, I’m tired of needing anxiety medication because I live in fear. I want my life back.
I am a trainee at a US Higher Learning Institution and I work for a very nice man, a great general surgeon, educator and mentor. He always thinks before he speaks, extremely tolerant, understanding and patient. He leads by example and many people try to emulate him.
Unfortunately, since he is a well-respected administrator at a higher learning institution, younger faculty are always trying to impress him – by trying to be or show that they are “keaders”, that they are innovative, perfect, they generate great ideas and address very hard and important questions.
When I joined the institution, I was a little nervous and I even felt like I was a fish out of water for a very long time. AND often, I’ve felt VERY stupid. Especially, at conferences and seminars when I would make comments and ask questions and immediately after wards I regret having asked the question. Then I overanalyze everything even when I am still sitting in the seminar – like, “Have I misunderstood the question?”, “Oh, crap, that wasn’t a good comment!” or “Oh no, damn it, I should have kept my mouth shut and shouldn’t have said anything!”. The younger faculty do very little to help me out. Even if you approach them and ask “how do you think it went? Did you think my question made sense?” etc.
The answer is often not very positive. I think sometimes they do this to make themselves feel better and make myself feel bad. As is often the case in academia. Academia is not a warm and fuzzy place.
So then I walk around all day just beating myself up, and I stress out and sometimes, I hate myself for thinking like this – and I analyze and over analyze everything. And I tell myself that I should not do that ever ever open my mouth and say anything again at seminars- but the,, at the next seminar/meeting, I do the same thing – ask a question then immediately feel totally embarrassed after wards.
Then, sometimes, when I get a “neutral/ambiguous” comment from a Professor or my boss, I think “was that a positive comment or a negative comment?” and then I talk to other people and they never say anything positive (like, “Yeah, that was good question” or “Your comment was interesting”) . So, when I go home, I beat myself up and all these questions go round and round in my head.
This whole process of feeling angry with myself for participating in discussions etc lasts for quite some time and some times, I even avoid talking to my boss because I feel too embarrassed that he thinks I’m stupid etc.
I have never ever felt this way before. NEVER. Only since I’ve joined this institution.
The truth is, I feel like – since I was given such an excellent recommendation by my previous boss and a number of colleagues: I feel the pressure of having to live up to my reputation. But, on the other hand, I’ve always been a great participant at seminars, lectures, classes, etc. Back in the day, I never cared about what other people thought of me.
Now, I seem to worry too much about it. I don’t know how to control this feeling.
Why do I feel so stupid after I ask questions or make comments in a meeting/seminar?
A lot of the times, I feel like I ask better questions that most people.
90% of the people in the room don’t even talk – they don’t even want to be there.
So I know that I am not doing anything wrong. Rather, I am doing everything that I am supposed to do – ask questions if I don’t understand so that I learn, speak up if I have an idea, don’t be afraid to share ideas and or make comments so that other people might also benefit from my comments etc.
It’s just right after wards that I’m like : “Drats, I should have asked the question like this, and answered the question like that”, “Why didn’t I use better words?” or “Why didn’t I be more concise with my answer”>>>the list goes on and on,…
Hey 615 Faculty – Can I just cut to the chase and say that you are right? And you know it, too, based on what you wrote here.. You are TOTALLY OVERANALYZING your situation – odds are that you actually are asking the better questions, showing your smarts, displaying interest and engagement in the seminars, and, well – DUH – no one is going to go out of their way to acknowledge how smart you are. Because, (and you know this too, deep down) everyone else there is equally insecure about their image and impressions. So it’s a low-risk situation. When there is an environment of one-upping and showmanship which promotes insecurity, then you don’t have anyone left who is grounded enough to take the time or effort to recognize or acknowledge anyone else. It’s a scarcity mentality.
So here’s a thought: as you continue to put yourself out there and ask great questions, why don’t you also be the first one to encourage and acknowledge others, too> You might endear some folks to you that way, and they might just return the favor. But maybe not. In any case, it would show you are taking the higher road.
Come on, man. You are above this crap. You’re going to shine. Show them what it’s like to not be so afraid all the time.
That should have been “leader”
After reading most of the stories posted here I feel compelled to chime in. I could have written a lot of these posts myself during the 18 years I worked for a major bank. All of the feelings of nervousness, self-doubt, destructive negative thoughts playing nonstop in my head – I’ve been there. I had many different bosses through those years, and some were very supportive and complementary, while others sensed my insecurity and seemed to enjoy playing off of it. I knew that I was doing a good job most of the time, but I let some of those bosses get to me. And I began to realize that I was in the wrong place.
What did I do? I left. My young children gave me the perfect excuse to leave my career and stay at home for a while. I knew, however, that finances would eventually force me back into the work place. As they say, timing is everything and nearly 4 years ago my church needed someone with an accounting background. I jumped at it, got the job, and have never been happier.
I just want to encourage those of you who are struggling to keep your head up, be persistent, and really listen to your true inner voice – if work feels like a constant uphill battle all the time and you’re always feeling stupid, maybe you are “in the wrong place” or at least in the wrong company. If your current situation is unbearable, start planning your next move where you can thrive – don’t be afraid to dream of a career that allows you to fulfill God’s purpose for you and feed your family at the same time. I know that opportunities are harder to come by in the current economic environment, but be prepared when they do present themselves. Good luck!
Julie – Your comment is so encouraging. Why are we afraid to dream what would make us most happy and fulfilled? It’s this fear that says, “no, that can’t happen. It’s impossible, besides, you’re not good enough.”
Kill that voice!! It can happen, like it did for you, over time. It takes planning, dreaming, killing your fear, taking risks and stepping out in faith. It requires patience and self-awareness. Anything is possible.
Thanks, Julie. for showing us hope.
Shrinkingthecamel.
I am above all this crap. I agree with you. I have been here almost a year but long enough to know this lab quite well now. This lab is always like this. This is why my boss has been unsatisfied and unhappy for a long time until I came along. I’m energetic, excited about my work and passionate about research in general. And, I am productive. Almost a year and I have a couple of manuscripts in preparation. Most of them have been here more than a year or 6 years or more and generated very little.
The junior faculty are running out of ideas and losing their funding (or still can’t get funding because they have not got ideas for a great experiment etc.).
When I first got here, I was “bossed” around and they liked to tell me what I should do what esp. when we’re in a seminar in front of my boss and now, when they try to do that, I tell them straight to their faces with my boss present that I’ve already done it. AND that I have data to show for it and if they want to see it, I can show them.
At a meeting last week, the same thing happened when I told that I already pursued that idea and I already sent the data to the boss. But, that I did not want to focus on that arm of the work because I have something more innovative that I would like to pursue.
Last week was the week I’ve had it with these people. In 2 months, it will be a year since I’ve been here but I’m already tired of the b___s___ (although they are nice) but they are so insecure about everything. EVERYTHING. I wish they would just grow up and get over it. It’s not high school anymore.
Furthermore, I am tired of having people in this dept. always telling what to do, and not to do and how to act etc. One of them likes to tell me that I should not be so excited and enthusiastic about everything because that’s not how my boss is. WHY would you do that?? I am who I am and I like research and yes, I am always enthusiastic about data and my work. This is my personality. A lot of people in academia always pretend to be someone they’re not. I’ve seen this before. We go into a meeting with our boss and they’re kissing the boss’s ass and always appearing like they’re perfect. Then the minute we leave the meeting, behind the boss’s back they bitch about him/her. At least I don’t do that. I am who I am with my boss all the time. Never faking anything or hiding my personality. Bosses aren’t stupid. High level institutional leaders are not that stupid. They’ve been educators for a very long time. They can see right through to you. They’ve worked with hundreds, if not educated a 1000 students in their life time. They wouldn’t be where they are now if they didn’t know how to educate or lead people of various temperament and personalities.
The funny thing is: everyone else likes to tell me to be someone that I am not except my boss. My boss is very nice. He doesn’t judge people for their personality and they know that people can be themselves because we’re supposed to be focused on getting our work done and to do science. Not sit there and talk about people and their personalities. I wish the junior faculty here would grow up and be better role models.
Boy, you got me. I did a Google search typing “I feel stupid at work.” I’m 3 months into a job and I feel like I can’t do anything right. The trouble is, I used to do a similar job at another company. I knew this one would expose me to different tools/work applications, but I’m really really struggling to learn them. As for how you can help — can you help people to learn how to work from people who may not be experts at teaching others? Or worse- people who think they are really good at it? It might also be helpful to talk about learning from people that you are uncomfortable with. Here’s a deep personal admission from me: I’m 26/female and learning from a 25 year old female. It’s physically painful. I’m insecure enough, but learning from someone younger — and feeling that they think I’m an idiot — is unbearable.
I think another part of the pain point is that I actually have more job experience than this person. How can I learn from someone who is less experienced (but more experienced in m actual job?) It doesn’t feel good, and it’s making it harder to learn. I don’t like admitting I don’t understand things — and I realize that most of it is my own fault.
Phew. I feel better acknowledging the problem… but help me to fix it, please!
Good. Acknowledging is a start. I can see how frustrating that can be, especially if she is not teaching you very well (or if she never wanted to teach you in the first place!). But the truth is, in a few months you will be running circles around her. You must be patient. And not get caught up in the superiority-inferiority thing. Who cares about her age or who has more experience! Get over it, and just get into the learning. That’s what’s critical, and your current mindset only gets in the way of that. Let go of all that, and sit at this woman’s feet until you know what you need to know. In fact, tell her that. Tell her that you are completely and utterly dependent on her and you so dearly appreciate her time and energy she is spending to teach you. Bring her a cappuccino tomorrow. Endear yourself to her, and see if that takes you further. You might as well enjoy it, since you can’t avoid it.
Let me know how it goes.
The last few days have been unbearable for me. I discovered that I made a “STUPID” mistake on a billing. Something that once I look at it is very clear to see. I have always been uncomfortable about how I was told to complete the billing, that I found myself contacting the billing manager to clarify how it should be done and she repeatedly told me the same thing every time and that I was doing it correctly. Well, once again I decided to call her for the umpteenth time to verify that I was doing it correctly and I guess she was tired of me calling her so she decided to refer me to the account manager. The account manager confirmed that my gut feeling was right; I have been processing the bill incorrectly. I feel horrible. I feel that I normally do excellent work in my position and there are some aspects of my job that I really enjoy. I have found that when I work so hard not to make mistakes that I end up making mistakes. I am not looking forward to telling my manager because I am so concerned about the outcome.
I’ve just had the shittiest week at work, and I wanted to read other miserable sods complain in order to make me feel less alone.
Yes!! Well, actually, more that my skill set is ill suited to my job or vice versa. Happens all the time. I’m not bad at my job, but I’m a whole lot better at other things. Having degrees in my field just makes the feeling more intense.
So glad you came across and commented my blog…loving yours!
This is my second post. This time, I have less to say. I had a couple of people picked on me, humiliated me and tried to sabotage my work when I first started. Then I stood up for myself and now things are okay. But I find that my mentors are now becoming more and more insecure whenever I come up with better ideas, strategies etc. Even to the point where they “refuse” to supply letters of recommendation when they said they would be happy to write one. If they wrote one for me it’s too late because the deadline has passed. Where in the world should I go where bosses are encouraging, supportive, do things they said they were going to do that is, have integrity, and not feel insecure if your mentee is doing his or her job well and exceeds expectations?
I quit a certain local ISP back in June of ’10 because I could not get full time hours. After a futile job search I eventually landed a full time position back at the company working in a higher up position that involves a LOT more work. The thing is, I now work under a different boss. He is a nice person outside of work, but at work he is constantly belittling me by telling me things I should know (some things I havent even been trained on!) and saying things like “You seem to be doing good, but I havent audited you yet.” It’s to the point where I literally feel like I cant work effectively when he’s around out of fear of screwing up or making a mistake. He openly admits “People see me here as a tyrant, and I’m okay with that.”. Help! :S
Ouch! That is a tough spot to be in, my friend. Since he apparently is a nice person at the core (outside of work), I would think this is a case where he might be open to dialogue. Why don’t you work up the nerve to sit down with him and explain that his overbearing demeanor is making you less productive, not more. If you present yourself professionally, without looking weak, it may work, and he may even respect you more because of it. If it doesn’t work, I would march down the hall to HR to discuss implementation of 360 degree review evaluations (where employees have the chance to anonymously evaluate their bosses). See what they have to say about that!
I am an office coordinator at a small non profit and my supervisor, the associate director, keeps giving me the simplest tasks, say, “Please put this in ABC order,” and then tacking on the confidence shattering phrase of “If you have any questions about this, let me know, ok?” or “If you need any help with this, ask.”
Then she’ll turn around and give me a hard project and explain it very little and then will act like I am bothering her by asking her to clarify what in the hell I’m supposed to be doing. It’s getting discouraging, because I am NOT stupid, and in fact, I am doing continuing education while I am working so that I can be more qualified for a a more independent type job in the future. How do I handle this woman?
“How do I handle this woman?”
A profound question indeed. I think the issue with managers like this is that they assume way too much, and are themselves very poor at teaching/training/coaching others. Add to that a lack of compassion, or an empathetic spirit, and you have the makings of a human dumping grounds.
The first line of defense is always to plead for more and better communication. Let her know you are going to have more questions with a task that you are completely unfamilar with, and perhaps she might have to spend a few more minutes with you in explanation. If I were you, when she explains the project or task, I would hold her in place with a barrage of questions before she has a chance to get away. Keep firing one question after another regarding the project until she has explained it sufficiently. Be a pest about it.
Try this first. And let me know how it goes.
I am part of a team at my workplace. We are made up of 9 women and 1 man. Our purpose is to perform chart reviews for the hospital we work for. The team contains 4 nurses, 2 coders, and the other 4 provide insurance, billing, and support duties. I am one of the female coders. My problem is with the male member of the team who is in one of the support roles. Since the time I started with this team about 1 year ago, I have been called a weirdo, a loser, and made to feel stupid. Although there has been a learning curve with this job, I feel that I have caught on quickly, and do a good job. He does not speak to the members of the team that are nurses this way, nor does he speak to the other coder or staff members like this. He is well liked by the other members of the team, and I don’t have an issue with him other than the way he speaks to me and about me. I have treated him with the same respect that I show the other members of the team, regardless of their position. I have let these comments roll off my back figuring that when he figured out I was an assest to the team, and knew what I was doing, he would stop. This has not. Yesterday, I was referred to as “the loser” when he spoke to the nursing staff about my part in a meeting with another hospital department. I don’t want to create waves and cause trouble, as I already know I am being singled out, for whatever reason, so I don’t want to make things worse. I am having difficulty finding a way to handle this in an intelligent manner that does not make the situation worse. These comments are really starting to get to me. Sorry for the long post. Any ideas? Thanks!
Rene – I am afraid that you are going to have to take a stand for yourself here. It’s as simple as that. He is, for whatever reason, picking on you and continues to do so because you are allowing it. Heck, he may even think you enjoy it, if you don’t call him on it. This is simply a matter of self-respect. You must work up the nerve to either (1) ask him to meet with you privately, over coffee or something, and you can in a very nice but bold manner tell him that those derrogatory comments are hurtful to you, and you will not stand for it any longer; or (2) Lash right back at him in the moment, by saying something simple, but firm, such as, “Please stop referring to me with those rude names. I don’t appreciate it.” That might be enough. If there is a deeper problem, you will find out soon enough.
Please, please, please, stop allowing this man to treat you this way, and be your own best ally. No one else will do this for you. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
I did find this blog by google search. And I do hope you write that book! I would buy it!
I just read all the comments here about how others feel stupid at their workplace and it did make me feel a little better, because it means I’m not the only one and that maybe I’m not stupid, we’re all just human’s making mistakes.
I was going to go into detail about my workplace and the problems I have had and still have, with feeling like the stupid one. Which I hate because when I was at school I was one of the smart ones and now it’s like I have morphed into the moron off the workplace. I have little confidence and major anxiety problems, none of which help matters at all, I think it causes most off them. Things that are nothing for others are major, major things for me. And people just don’t understand. Though my boss does know about the anxiety and depression I suffer and she tries to get it, but I don’t work with her. It’s my supervisor and the other staff that make me feel hopeless. But it’s such a big long story I think I’ll just leave it. I just hope the feeling I have now since reading the other comments here will carry through with me to morning and I won’t want to burst into tears the second my alarm goes off.
I do try to do my best. But there are days when you think what is the point because it doesn’t seem to matter what good you do, when all they see is the bad.
I’m just always the outsider that can’t connect with my co-workers, the one who forgets things (stress has damaged my memory a bit) or the one who is having so much anxiety about a task that she screws it up, not because I can’t do it because I’m scared, mainly I’m scared of being told I’m wrong. Because no joke, no matter what I do It’s wrong. I do something one way and it’s not right, later I turn around and do it the way I was told and then it’s wrong. I have no confidence to make decisions either because of this and now they think I am incapable.
Well it looks like I went into my story a little, but anyway thank you for writing this post and I look forward to your book!
I am in a new industry vertical but work in the same line of work (IT-Business Analysis) with a small company. My co-workers are highly technical and experienced in their fields. I came into the job indicating that I was not a technical person so I am trying to find some comfort in being honest and clear about my credentials. One of my greatest challenges at work is to be able to articulate myself clearly and concisely. English is my second language and I’ve always felt that lack of confidence in speaking in front of large audiences, especially in an area that I am not proficient in. Some of my co-workers are extremely articulate and skillful in explaining complex ideas in layman terms which is a skill that is required in my field. I am trying hard to overcome my shortcomings by reading, studying my material more. My professional life has always filled in with self-doubt and the feeling of inadequacy which is exhausting mentally. Sometimes, I feel that I need to be a lot more assertive proofing to my co-workers what I am about. I try to block the negative thoughts but certain days, I feel so defeated when co-workers spell out simple concepts to me – forgive me saying this- as I just arrived to this country. I’ve been here for 18 years. I think your book concept is brilliant. I think this constant idea of not being up to par at work is a serious stress, disease trigger and it contaminates so many parts of our lives. It would be great to have a tool to prepare young people how to deal with these feelings before the damage is done. Please address a section in your book for co-workers who are ESL speakers as well. There are so many of us that want to fit in, contribute, be accepted, work hard.
Susan – I wonder where this constant feeling of inadequacy comes from. If it were me in another country, trying to prove myself against others who master the language, I would probably feel that constant stress too – especially if a big part of my job involved articulating ideas with clarity in that other language. It seems that would be almost impossible unless you were extremely fluent in the language. Is this just something that must be accepted? That you have many strenghts and smarts, but being able to articulate ideas as well as your English-speaking counterpats is just not going to be one of them? I don’t know. I am not trying to discourage you, I am actually admiring of you for the courage and strength to step into a professional role as a second language. That must be very challenging.
Hi,
I’m a young communications professional and I have been having this “I feel stupid at work” feeling lately. I work in English, while my first language is Portuguese and I’m currently living in Germany. While I’m proud that I’m good at intercultural communications, sometimes it gets pretty hard. Also, because I care so much about writing, whenever I make spelling and conjugation mistakes I feel like it is a personal fault and I’m stupid.
Well, You’re not! Tri-lingual? That is way smarter than me.
I am an intern at an MNC company in a software testing team. I am doing validation on a previous employee’s testplan with 17 testcases and it has been 4 months and I am only half-way through his testplan. I would not say that it is easy nor difficult but it’s ok; just that it can get very time consuming as just 1 testplan can take up to 2 hours to fully run.
In the first month or so, I admit that I was quite lazy because there was no pressure to finish up my work and since I was only an intern, I just worked on the testplan in a leisurely way. But after about a month or so, one of my colleague in a meeting indirectly pinpointed that I was taking too much time on my testplan. Ever since then, I cut down my slacking time and started to work harder for the testplan. I am definitely making progress now, but I feel that it is still slow. And just last week, another colleague in my office indirectly said that I won’t be able to finish the testplan by this month.
I feel like shit and so stupid right now. I am not slacking anymore and working late in the evenings but my progress is still not that fast enough. But then again, the previous employee who wrote the testplan had told my supervisor before leaving that an intern student won’t be able to validate his testplan. So supposedly it is quite a hard testplan to validate but I still feel that I am really slow.
I think interning for the most part is very difficult, because you have no previous experience, you generally get very little training or direction, and because you are temporary, the mgmt and staff don’t have much of a vested interest.
The best thing is that you learn something from this… Especially the part about not slacking off when you first arrive. Those first impressions are hard to shake off. Next time better, right?
Hi I’m so glad to have come across your blog it’s exactly the type of thing I was looking for when I did the Google search that has brought everyone here. I started a new job last month in a really prestigious place and I was so happy to get the position. Im a little out of my field and one of only 2 people in a group of 18 with my sort of expertise but I’m by far the junior of the two of us. As everyone else has come from a very different background I have a lot to catch up on to even try and understand what they’re talking about. Its a totally different language to me half the time so I’ve had to keep a notebook with definitions to make any sort of progress. I think the new boss may have overestimated my expertise in my own area and now realises anything I can do the other new guy in my field can do better! As the only female in this particular subgroup I really feel like they assume I’m not as useful, which is true half the time but its not a nice feeling. I. Realise I need time to settle in and learn but the boss doesn’t seem to. My first day I was given a quite a big proposal to write in a very short timeframe with no guidelines as to how to write it. Then because I found out he was meeting all the other 3ppl in my subgroup to discuss ideas for a new project I felt really left out and when of course blurted out something I hadn’t had time to think through which if course made no sense at all and just showed my ignorance. I felt so embarrassed as soon as I said it but I think I did it just to try feel included and useful. I’m still not included in the decision process and my boss just ignores me when he comes into the office now, after he asks the ppl around me how they’re getting on! The ideas seem to be needed before I’ve had time to get up to speed and I’m convinced I’m making a bad impression. At the same time I’m exhausted at the thought of trying to prove myself and not even sure if I’m on the right career track. I’d definitely buy a book if you write one!
I feel stupid at work, because my co-workers are all highly educated academia and research types. I went to a public, state-run university, while they all attended private institutions. I often feel lesser-than and like I don’t belong. No one treats me like I’m stupid, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like they are secretly looking down on me. My job isn’t horrible, but I can’t wait to get out of there. I just don’t fit in.
However, sometimes I think about the different levels of intelligence – academic, intellectual, emotional, practical (street-smarts), social, technical, etc – and I don’t feel so bad. We all have our strengths and individual smarts. While I may not be the most articulate person in the world, I’m also the person everyone in the office typically goes to for troubleshooting and computer problems. I also find I have great perception and people skills. Very useful!
D. Robinson, I completely agree.
I came home after work today feeling so crippled the best coping mechanism I had was to sleep. I woke up at 8pm feeling no better and now at midnight, I am googling “feeling stuiped at work” hoping to stumble across something that will boost my self esteem enough so I can get up and return to my job in the morning.
I for one, lack confidence and am completely out of my comfort zone and for two, do not feel I am in a position that exploits my strengths. My job is highly competetive, demanding and has no margin for human error. My can-do attitude has diminished and my outgoing nature and eagerness to learn has faded. I am now desperately trying to be the grey man so nobody notices my ineptiitude. I very brutally compare myself to others and base my merit on how many people are worse or more “stuiped” than I. I don’t want to judge others to feel better about myself.
The solution is not always so simple as to find a new job but how to deal with failure, how to get comfortable out of personal comfort zones and how to restore your self esteem and confidence after you feel bruised. So, yes PLEASE write a book. I will cling to it like a life line.
I too have come home today from work and entered in Google ‘I feel stupid at work’. I wasn’t expecting anything to come up in the search so I’m very shocked and surprised to see so many people that are feeling the same way. This in itself has helped me feel better about myself already because I am not alone. I work in the Civil Service and wont bore you with the details but I just feel upset, paranoid, useless and incapable most days. I have returned to work after 13 months on Maternity leave and previously was fairly confident in my job. That confidence has disappeared. I am getting to the stage where I feel everyone around me is better at their job than me and more intelligent and its driving me mad. I sit sometimes in meetings with people and I haven’t a clue what they are talking about. Even today a simple question was asked and I messed up. Now I just think everyone thinks I’m thick. I have been back to work 6 months and I am still struggling. Please write a book i’d buy it.
Hey, Nichola. You can’t believe the number of google searches that come through here every day with the “I feel stupid at work” heading. There’s a lot of this going around. Now, about your situation: Is there any way you can focus on one particular area of the job or the organization and get some more in-depth training or development? You should at least identify one area that you can become “expert” in by taking initiative to dig deeper, go to seminars, interview/discuss with colleagues, take a class, etc.Once you’ve mastered it, move on to the next area. Don’t take feeling stupid sitting down! You’ve got to do SOMETHING to make yourself feel confident again, and no one’s going to do this for you. Pull yourself up!
Best of luck!
Nichola I know what you feel…Even though I’m still young, it is pretty frustrating to feel like you are not an expert on anything and that others are better than you. But I feel like things have been changing at my work, maybe because I started doing some of the things shrinkingthecamel advised you. I started to focus on some areas I like and whenever I don’t get super interesting tasks, I perform them fast in order to get to learn something else that would help me advance with my career.
Also, sometimes (at least to me) tasks that don’t seem relevant at all to you are part of the process of becoming better and you can try to make it interesting.
Of course some days are worse than others, but I hope you get to find a way to feel better =)
I recently started a new job that I am somewhat qualified for. I am finishing my master’s degree in the field and the expectation is that I know my stuff…inside and out. However, I don’t have any job experience in my field and find myself stumbling through my responsibilities…and making numerous bone headed mistakes along the way. What is worse is that I have to interact with clients and they can see that I am nervous and not completely comfortable in my position…which just makes matter worse. My constant anxiety at work also allows me to make REALLY silly errors and ask impossibly stupid questions. As a result, my co-workers look at me like I have 3 heads and I can feel their disappointment every time I make one of my NUMEROUS mistakes. I am feeling really discouraged and wonder if I am cut out for this career. I know I am capable and smart, but I am concerned I may loose my job if I don’t get it together sooner rather than later. One co-worker in particular seems to have very little patience for me and I’m afraid my boss may catch wind of this.
Any advice would be wonderful!
Hi everyone, I found this blog because I feel incredibly stupid as I just lost my job as…wait for it…a cleaner. So it seems, I’m too stupid to even be a cleaner. What hope is there for someone like me? (I’ve been searching stuff like “how stupid do you have to be to lose your job as a cleaner”, “so stupid you couldn’t clean” and so on (I worked in a hotel, and apparently was taking too long doing the rooms – too slow for really basic stuff).
I just came across JC’s comment, in which they put forward a very interesting idea – the concept of different TYPES of intelligence. So I made a list of these types (plus one other one), as follows:
Academic, Intellectual, Emotional, Practical, Social, Technical, Artistic, Creative
and graded myself out of 10 on each of those. My actual career is in music, I have trained as a musician since I was a child and took a Masters degree in performance, and that is a field where I am constantly told how skilled I am (while boosting my confidence, ironically I am often thinking “what actual practical use is that”!) – plus I have a talent for craft and design – so I gave myself a 10 for Artistic. Creative is different, as I put that in the box of “thinking up new ideas, being innovative” etc, which I don’t consider myself to score highly on. All the others were average-high, except for Practical which only got 3 as I’m often pretty slow at doing things and usually have to ask for instructions – as my music income is often pretty choppy and not really enough to sustain a living, I have to rely on other jobs too (such as the cleaning one I just lost) – so it seems, I’ve been in jobs which use the kind of intelligence I’m by far most lacking in, no wonder I felt useless all the time! I wonder what would happen if I got a job which somehow made use of my Emotional (8) or Technical (7) skills…(what are those jobs?)
I also “graded” the one workmate who constantly belittled me and made me feel useless, to the best of my knowledge about her (unknown for Creative, Technical, Academic and Intellectual) and while she gets at least a 7 or 8 for Practical, she only got a 3 for Emotional (she constantly criticises unconstructively, gets in a temper and so on without any thought for anyone else’s feelings) – I for one would far rather be naturally patient, sympathetic, empathetic and considerate with people and actually make them feel good about themselves (as I like and hope to think I am and do), than be able to make a bed in 10 seconds but forsake all that!
If you’re reading this I suggest you give that a go if you’re feeling stupid like that (oh by the way, I absolutely hate the words “stupid” and “incompetent”, I honestly believe there’s no such thing, if everyone was good at the same things the world would fall into disrepair, think about it)!
Oh yeah – write the book
HD – I am sorry about your job loss. But what you write here is extremely insightful, and, I hope, empowering for you. Unfortunately, it is not easy to find a steady job or source of income using creative talents. But, yes, that would be ideally suited to align your skills. I, for instance, am terrible at mechanical things and working with my hands. I always feel stupid around car mechanics, or those who are handy working around the house. But those people couldn’t write worth a damn, or run a business, like I can.
You are asking the right question: what kind of jobs could you do that make use of your strengths? In the end, this is something you must discover for yourself, by trying new things, research, getting educated, talking with wise counselors, and of course, reading my blog.
I really admire your positive attitude and resourcefulness you’ve show here. Keep pushing forward. Best of luck to you.
I’m still pretty new in my job and I’m still learning what each little group does within the department. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of picking up things and I’ve just now, after 2 months, started getting actual stuff to do but then my director asks me to do something and I don’t do it properly and I feel stupid. I think about what I could’ve done, how I could’ve read his email, to figure out exactly what he wanted the first time. But I guess because I’m new and I don’t have enough confidence in my knowledge I took his directions at face-value. He wanted files for a project and gave me two names of who could help me get the files. Being new and still not knowing what everyone does I assumed that for this specific type of project these two people kept all the files. So I asked them to send me their files to send to him. I didn’t know that he meant they could help me find the files on a shared website and that they weren’t the only people in the department who contributed files relevant to the project.
Then I think that if he’d just been clear in his email from the start and told me these files were on this website and I just needed to get all the files submitted by people in our department then I would’ve given him the right information to begin with. But then I question even that and think that I should’ve known to ask him to clarify so it’s really my fault anyway and I’m just trying to make it his fault.
So I feel stupid. And I feel stupid because he doesn’t really ask me to do all that much for him and when he does I just seem to screw it up.
Simply: I just finished my first day of work at the second retail store I’ve ever worked for. I seemed to breeze on through the first job just fine; easy touch screen register, friendly customers, bigger store but with a more gradual ability expectancy from my superiors, just seemed less grueling. Now I’m in a MUCH smaller store (Gamestop), but everything seems RIDICULOUSLY complicated. The register is operated by keyboard, F1-F12 mostly (the only keys I never use so I have to ‘hunt’), no one just brings you what they want and you sell it to them, no–they bring you an empty case, you find the game (after meticulously alphabetizing and categorizing and labeling it all away into giant stacks) in the giant ass stacks, and even then, no one ever just wants a few games. They want to trade, reserve, cancel both, have you locate a bunch of different kinds of electronic devices that are thrown randomly up on the walls all over the store, and when I asked about anything, the manager would just do it for me. He was nice about it, but I didn’t learn anything. Basically, I’m used to doing about nine different tasks at one time, but all the tasks were relatively simple and in front of me, even if there were multiple tasks. They only thing people needed help with was finding an isle or returning something. Now I feel like I’m just running in forty different directions while a line of 10 impatient obsessive gamers glares at me for being a girl and not knowing all the little theft preventing steps in between what used to just be a simple process of working retail for me. I was the fastest at my old job, had the best upsell, work ethic, product knowledge, everything. I was pretty damn valuable. Now I feel like the lowest rung on the ladder, and I’m afraid to let anyone catch my eye because I have no idea how to answer 99% of the questions I’m asked. It was only my first day, but. My first day of my previous job didn’t confuse me, leave me red faced, or have me hiding behind people. I calmly (even happily) told customers I was new at my old job. Maybe it’s the gaming world and me putting pressure on myself surrounded by a bunch of elitist gamers, but I just feel absolutely lost and I’m not used to it. I think that’s the whole problem. I’m not used to feeling “out of my element”. I’m never out of any element. I can ALWAYS jump into things and, if I can’t perform perfectly, get by with honesty and a good attitude. But this time, I can’t. It’s not coming easily, and therefore, I feel retarded, stressed, and hated.
It’s just Gamestop. It’s just retail. It’s just people that I’ve always been able to adapt to very easily and like talking to. So why am I suddenly on the internet, freaking out about it? Every disgruntled face I saw today after I derped my way through situations is leaning heavily on my mind. I know “it gets better/easier” with time, but. I feel like five straight days of the stress I’m PROBABLY just inflicting on myself is going to drive me into the ground. So… What gives? I really hate this.
Hi, I’ve been back at work for nearly a year after being on maternity leave for 13 months. I went back a different person, when I left i wasnt exactly an expert in my field but i was learning on the job. The job is a position i didnt ask for but was asked to do so i was trying to make the best of it. Going back has been so stressful for me, i have no idea sometimes what im doing, i feel stupid in meetings and my heart races before i can pluck up the courage to speak. When i do speak up in meetings i dont articulate well, i know what i mean but it comes out a jumbled mess. I feel totally like a fish out of water and that everyone thinks im thick. I wonder how long it will be before im found out that i cant do my job anymore, my confidence is shot and i feel really insecure most of the time at work. This plays out at home as well and i get really nippy and irritable. How do i stop feeling this way and build my sense of self back up? Should i just leave? My boss doesnt help, making comments like my attention to detail isnt what it used to be and the like. Feel better for knowing im not the only one but need to get it sorted. What do i do?
People who likes calling other people stupid probably thinks the same way about themselves. They are just subconciously happy to know that they’re not alone, or somehow the people they call stupid makes them feel a little smarter.
I started a new job this year. I had been working at a fast paced, less technically intensive position for 5 years. I felt like I had to take a shot at the big leagues so to say and got a job with a fast paced extremely technically intensive firm. I went into the job with a bit of self doubt knowing that I had been working on less technical projects.
Once the first couple of mistakes happened, it has mushroomed into an avalanche of anxiety at every stop. I feel like I’ve lost any ability I once had.
I had a meeting with my boss last week and while he was somewhat supportive, there was definitely a shape up or ship out tone.
Therefore, I feel very stupid at work.
Today, I totally felt stupid at work. This has made me so uncomfortable that I googled it and here I am . Recently ( 8 months ago) after having worked in a totally different field/department for 8 years, I changed my position within the same company. It is totally a different role now. The junior staff working in my new department has obviously more experience than me. The manager of my new department has also took up this new role, along with me. So both of us have changed our careers in a totally different field. My problem is that I can not catch up with his learning curve. It does quite along time for me to understand this new stuff and since all the juniors have already have that experience and knowledge, I lost my self confidence. Plus, with these negative thoughts I can not speak up within the group. Sometimes, the manager plays with all the team members” an educated guess” question game, and my answers are far behind the correct result which are worse than the juniors. Today I felt horrible. I was totally embarressed and felt soooo stupid. My manager and I have started a different role from what we have done so far, but he seems to understand everything, every email in a blink of a eye which for me takes ages to understand.. What is wrong with me? Does it mean that this is not my area at all and just leave it ?
Two years later and people are still feeling the same way. It was so nice to find your post after a really tough day. I’ll tell you exactly what’s going on. I’ve worked at the same place for the past year and a half. These days it seems very few work places take any time to train their staff, even though I believe this to be a VERY important step in creating a productive staff member. So it’s been an up hill battle since day one. Even though I came into my position with some experience, I still had a great deal of growing to do and growing I have done! But I’ve unfortunately been saddled with a very inexperienced boss that can’t admit that she’s inexperienced and perhaps needs to grown a bit herself. I’ve come to realize that she really does believe that I can read her mind without having her communicate anything to me and is astonished when I haven’t done something the way she dreamed up (without telling me of course!) Which leads me to second guess myself and load up google just so I can type “I feel stupid at work.” Yes, that’s how I ended up here, wondering if anyone else feels stupid at work at times. And thanks to your thoughtful post, I can see many others do too!
Hi! I spent years being the go-to person with a large company, but recently moved to a smaller one in hopes of feeling like my presence makes a difference. Everyone around me is a developer or an engineer – I was brought on as a designer. I’m the only one here without a degree as well. I may not have the education, but I have years of experience and I really WANT to make a contribution here. Problem is, my boss won’t LET me. I haven’t even had a chance to fall on my face yet, because every time I offer or just jump in and try to do something (including things that were in my job description) he steps in and tells me it’s too “complicated” and he’ll just take care of it. I’m starting to believe him.
I have been at my job for almost 3 years and I am not doing anything new in the last 2 years. My head seems to forget everything, everything… I can’t contain information about projects at work, I can’t even write down enough notes to help me remember. I don’t know the proper way to use punctuation or grammar, I can’t remember people’s last names, I can’t remember the ins and outs of my job. My head is usually just really empty or just thinking all the time. People can be talking to me and I will be looking at their eyes and I don’t hear a darn thing they say. I can’t get myself to finish college, I got my AA but I just can’t finish my BA. I barely pass the classes unless I figure out some way to beat the system. I really feel like I hit my head and I am just plumb stupid now. JD
I used to be really confident about my job. I had just finished a Master’s degree in the subject and was breezing through all the new projects. Then at one point I was given a project on an unfamiliar subject, and before I even started my boss was impatient with the progress of it – he felt I had focused too intently on the previous project.
With the new project, I felt at a loss many times, but while it was out of my comfort zone my two superiors were experts. When I’d ask questions they’d snap at me, in a way that suggested that I should already know the answers. Sometimes in meetings my boss would start “quizzing” me on basic aspects of my job in front of everyone, which would paralyze me and I’d end up appearing even more stupid. My superiors would also make decisions concerning my job description amongst themselves, and neglect to tell me. Even when questioned they would make up excuses and not give me definitive answers. This really shook my confidence and caused a lot of frustration and worry.
This irritability and impatience from the bosses lasted through the entire project and is bleeding into the current one. And all the time my boss is commenting on how I’m not doing as well as I used to. Even though I have some experience, I’m also still learning, and I don’t know how to communicate to my boss that his negative attitude is eating away at my self-confidence, and is affecting my ability to do my job properly.
im 19 years old and have graduated from college as a personal support worker. i am passionate about what i do, my hearts in the right place, and i am willing to work HARD.. unfortunately no one i work with takes me seriously because again, i am 19. its like they all assume i will fail and assume i cant be good at what i do. plus they have me back and fourth between two floors so now.. four months after i was hired, there are still a few things i forget to do the odd time, im so busy trying to remember everything that needs to be done to suit residents needs and plan my next step to meet time frames that sometimes i will forget small things like emtying the basin of water or for get that a certain client has compression stalkings or what not. this makes me few low because i know that if i had been given time to get my own routine that i would have no problems… its frustrating and makes me feel stupid. expecially the last few shifts i have worked.
I used to think of myself as an excellent communicator. In the past, my work experience consisted of selling products internationally from inside an office. This experience included phone sales, Internet/e-mail marketing, setting up logistics strategies, trade show marketing, web-site optimization and more. I built a 7 figure Gold level Power-Seller business on eBay with few expenses. Later on, I became an extremely successful sales director at a company focused on selling manufactured goods to the Department of Defense. I thought I was a natural businessman. Well, I recently took a “Director of International Sales” position with a company that manufacturers consumer electronics accessories. Most everyone at this company has formal “face-to-face” sales training. I don’t. My boss has told me that he has never seen anyone as bad in front of retail buyers as me. My casual communication style, lack of commercial business experience, and boredom with our products has relegated me to “moron” status amongst my superiors. Apparently I ask really dumb questions and don’t listen to what customers are saying. I ran a search on the web for “my boss thinks I’m stupid” because it felt right at the moment I did it. Your postings are helpful as some self-deception might be necessary at the moment.
I can relate to so many of these posts. I recently requested my company transfer me across the country so I could be closer to family and friends, and along with the transfer came a substantial promotion. My prior role was an entry level accounting position right out of University, which clicked right away. I had no problem with co-workers, and handled my workload just fine. However, since my transfer, I literally feel like I have done a single thing right. Rather than a set list of responsibilities (which I was used to), I am now doing strictly “project” work, with little to no direction on what is expected of me, or what the end result should be. On top of this, I am much younger then everyone else, and whenever I deal with someone outside of my department, I get no respect, and often my questions/requests are just ignored completely. I am naturally a quiet person, and my boss keeps telling me to work on my confidence. Confidence was never an issue in my old role… when I feel knowledgeable on a topic, I have no problem voicing my opinion. It is just in this new position, where I received no training and rarely know what people around me are talking about, that I don’t have anything to say.
Like many others have suggested, I have looked elsewhere for employment and recently had another job offer. However, the company I work for is paying for my Accounting Designation, and in my old role, they had me sign a 4-year contract upon receiving my designation (I still have a year of courses left). The thought of working in this role for another 5 years makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t have a hope of moving to a different department because a) I (admittedly) am not doing a good job in my current role (whatever that role is) and b) all other departments have written me off due to my age. After many requests from my boss for clarification or help, my boss (whom I would consider “old school”), simply gives me movie quotes or other stupid analogies, and usually just leaves me with more questions than answers.
To be honest, I no longer want to pursue my designation… this job has destroyed my ambition. I am 25 years old, and I wake up every morning feeling sick to my stomach, knowing that at best, my work will be unsatisfactory, or worse, not recognized at all.
Previously I worked for a small company where I was the Administrative Assistant. I was employed there for 9 years and I knew the job inside and out. However, the company lost the contract with our biggest customer and all staff was advised that the company would be closing their doors within a few months. Through a friend I was asked if I would submit a resume for a bookkeeping position for a small company to provide maternity leave coverage. I was terrified as I had zero experience with Payroll and Billing. I did have experience with Accounts Payable from a job many years ago. Putting my fears aside I decided to go for an interview. I was called back for a second and they offered me the position. I was to receive 4 months training and then would handle all duties on my own for the next year while my trainer was on mat leave. It was difficult at first to go from simple administrative duties for a rehabilitation company to the duties of payroll and invoicing for an engineering company. In addition to learning the job I also needed to have a better understanding of the business I was now working in. Not wanting to toot my own horn, but I feel I did well and made minimal errors. Then to my horror, my trainer went into labour a week early and I was left to complete the months billing on my own. I feel it went well and had positive feedback from the owners. However, the following month and for the next three months, my trainer has requested to come in one day a month and review my invoices. She does not check any thing else, not the payroll, not the tax submissions to the government, nothing! That being said, our invoicing is broken into three different categories based on the services provided. And in this she only reviews the one category. She finds fault with practically every invoice that I have generated. Sometimes it is the font, sometimes it is a matter of upcharging a quarter hour. Needless to say by the end of the day I feel completely defeated and that I have made no progress from the previous month. She advises me that the upcharging is completely discretionary and that I am not wrong. (I take this to mean that she is just more right.) I am trying to please her as I know that when she returns, if I am to be offered a permanent position with this company it will all hinge on how much she wants me there. I am struggling with the thought that she is just trying to keep me feeling inadequate, perhaps I am doing much better than she expected. I know that she is a perfectionist and I think that she is nice person but sometimes I think I need to fail in order to learn and grow. I can not say that she can not come in as she has worked for this company for 13 years and is on close terms with each of the owners, one of which is a relative to her. How do I proceed with this situation?
I lack confidence at college I’m doing a business and administration college im 17 , but i have very low confidence is there any advice you could give me to help me. Like what i could do to boost my confidence in my workplace ?.
Thank you.
I own the company and the buck stops here. After having to downsize I’m having to learn Internet junk like imbedding images and mass e-mailings. It’s out of my realm. I do not have the aptitude for IT. I’ve been shown, workshops etc etc. It just doesn’t stick in my brain and that….makes me feel stupid. Write a book. I can still read. Unless….
I typed “I feel stupid today” in Google.
It is exactly as I say it. A heat wave hit the city today and I overslept a lot, and I really feel like my IQ has dropped a few notches. I make stupid little mistakes, that I come across and go “duh”.
I just started a new position and the people I work for are very experienced and very literate in their field. I usually find myself being more of the creative type, finding creative solutions for problems, but at the moment I feel like I am either not understood, not listened to, or my opinions are dumb. I don’t think I am clueless, maybe more a lack of knowledge than a lack of intelligence.
I think often people mistake a lack of knowledge for a lack of intelligence. If you find yourself floundering, it is probably time to do some reading.
Experience is also key. If you are working for a new organisation people might brush you off for a lack of understanding. Bureaucracy and protocol is something the furniture sitters are used to and work around automatically, and while it may not the smartest of processes, it might be the only way.
I think that there are a lot of people out there that think they can’t make a mistake. When they do, they immediately think they’re stupid. I messed up at work recently and felt incredibly stupid. I’ve been a perfectionist all my life, so to screw up was a BIG LETDOWN. I think we all need to manage our expectations a little. We all make mistakes. Write a book about perfectionism in the workforce!
I don’t know if am realy stupid or not. We went for this test and everyon got total 100 percent I was the only one who got one answer wrong. My boss anounced the results I felt so stupid to be tbe only one. I make stupid mistakes and I beat up myself for them. I always make mistake am I stupid.
Hi, i found this blog because i typed the phrase ‘my boss tells me i’m stupid’ into google. My boss stands over me and criticises me even when i am not doing anything wrong. She mentions the fact that i have a degree and she doesn’t and makes horrible remarks about my education (which is to a high standard) I work in a toy shop! She makes me panic until i make a typo and then leaps on it and then goes on to tell me that she can’t believe i have a degree. I never even bring up the fact i have a degree ever, she only knows because it was on my CV. I feel like i am gradually turning stupid as a result of her criticism.
…..oh i am also learning to drive at the moment, and i passed my theorey test with a mark of 100%, as soon as she found out instead of saying well done she told me that passing a theorey test is one thing having a brain is another, i think i might need to look for another job.