Moving From Either/Or to Both/And
I was festering over a work situation which I instinctively had interpreted as a zero sum game. By that I mean, there were two players and only two potential outcomes: a winner and a loser.
This win-lose attitude was naturally accompanied by a generous barrage of negative thoughts, driven by a desperate need for survival and self-preservation. I had to grab my piece of the pie, because, as everyone knows, there is only so much to go around.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how life is played out in the hyper-competitive workspace. Whether its building market share, or seeking approval from a boss, or deciding how to spend the afternoon, we tend to see things in terms of limited choices and mutually exclusive options.
This two-dimensional thinking bleeds over into our personal lives, as well, and even into our politics and theology. We like to organize everything into nice, neat categories: democrats or republicans; tree-hugger or capitalist; jock or nerd; predestination or free will.
Scientists tell us that putting things into hard categories makes life easier, because it gives us a frame of reference for interpreting the world. It’s like telling ourselves the same old stories until it’s all we see. But I wonder if all this dichotomous thinking is also a sign of immaturity, or stagnation, or spiritual laziness.
Maybe the hard-wired thinking is not so much to blame as is our culturally entrenched Western thought, with its linear thinking and process orientation and sharp corners and lines around everything. We are all educated from early childhood to be analysts.
Has everything I have ever been taught snoookered me into an either/or view on life, when there was an opportunity for both/and?
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How to Sound More Confident
I have been coaching one of our managers lately on how to appear more confident in front of groups.
I am uniquely qualified to coach him because I am oh-so-familiar with self-confidence issues, as they played out many times in my early career. I would freeze up, quake in my boots, get dry mouth, gastric problems – you name it. But somehow by the grace of God I was able to overcome it.
“But how, Brad?” you ask, with quivering lips. “How? How? How?”
My greatest lesson in confidence came from a boss named Jill.
Jill was a commanding presence – over six feet tall, with jet black hair and an extremely outgoing personality. You could practically hear theme music playing as she breezed down the hallways, everyone’s eyes drawn to her fluid figure. But her most magnetic feature was the way she spoke. With great facility, Jill could master any business conversation utilizing a curated portfolio of the latest management buzzwords and slang. It made her sound smart and justified, and just condescending enough to make you admire her. Read more…
The Secret Art of Reinventing Yourself
Eighth grade is typically a harsh year, and mine was no exception. I was not the most athletically coordinated boy, which placed me firmly at the lowest ranking of the middle school echelon. Add to that my greasy hair, braces, and oversized, thick-lens eyeglasses, and you start to get a very sorry picture.
Thankfully, my nomadic family decided to temporarily move due to my father’s work situation. We rented out our house for one year and packed up to Michigan for ninth grade, where I was magically transformed: I sprouted up several inches, got my braces removed, joined the swim team, found better glasses, and most importantly, began to wash my hair.
When we returned back to my old school system for tenth grade, no one recognized me. I was able to start fresh as a confident new kid from out of town without the dork baggage.
At the time, I attributed the transformation mostly to good hygiene and a great shampoo, but what I really experienced was the secret art of reinventing myself. I was determined to erase the gawky kid and re-emerge as someone else entirely.
A similar reinvention phenomenon has also taken place several times during my adult career. Usually it was triggered by a narrow-minded superior who did not see the same future potential that I saw for myself. I’ll never forget one boss in particular, during a heartfelt discussion as I poured out my hopes and dreams of advancement: “You will never be promoted to Manager,” she snapped abruptly while sipping her coffee and glancing out the window. “You don’t have the right experience.” I left her office burning with indignation.
Instead of buying into her boss-imposed limitations, I fantasized of the day she would be reporting to me. “Sorry, Barbara,” I would say while attending to various papers on my desk. “I’m going to have to demote you again. Now get me another cup of coffee.”
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Five Things to Stop Doing in 2012
Strategy consultant Dorie Clark wrote an intriguing post a couple weeks ago at Harvard Business Review blogs presenting somewhat of an anti-outlook for 2012.
Instead of promoting typical professional stretch goal-setting tips, she made suggestions for things to stop doing, in order to become more focused and productive in the New Year.
Her red lighted list of things to stop doing included such helpful recommendations as “Responding Like a Trained Monkey to emails” (#1), and “Reading Annoying Things” (#3) (like, this blog, for instance!).
Although making a Not-To-Do list can certainly help with productivity, I found these particular examples to be shallow, impersonal and, way too easy. For goodness sake, any dope can cancel a magazine subscription to reduce wasteful reading. The bigger challenge for us in 2012 is to make space in our souls for personal and spiritual growth, and that usually takes much harder work.
So, here is my own list of five things that I will stop doing in 2012:
1. Obsessing about my productivity every second of the day. Read more…
Snow Angels
I am dredging up a seasonal tidbit from the archives - one of my favorites – just in time for the holidays. And I am breaking all the blogging rules on this one, refusing to edit it down. So pull up a chair and a hot cup of cocoa. (Plus, I know you’re on vacation anyway, so relax!) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!
A few weeks ago our family spent the weekend watching some old videos from when the kids were little. Back then I had filmed a series of “a day in the life” routines, so that I could capture my little girls on tape and always remember the way it was. I had recorded moments of them singing, playing, laughing, running, and riding bikes. I even caught on tape a bit of naughtiness – some fighting and crying – which is actually cute and funny when you play it back years later.
Those little girls were so precious. They seemed so happy. So did my wife and I. There’s something about reminiscing that makes you gloss over, and even forget, all the stress and messiness and emotional chaos that was also going on at the same time.
There’s one scene in particular that will stick with us forever. It is filmed in the dead of winter, and there’s been a heavy snowfall. In fact, it’s a snow-day for the entire family – no school, no work! So, like all the snow-bound families waking up to the delights of an unexpected day off, we celebrate by bundling up our little girls, who were probably about 3 and 6 years old at the time. We take them out to play in the winter wonderland. Read more…
Leaders: Time to Affirm Work Well Done
Last week I attended an end-of-year corporate Holiday dinner with the management team of a smallish company of which I sit on the Board. As the cocktail hour was winding down and the merry executives and spouses were finally herded to their tables for dinner, the President stood up at the front of the room, cleared his throat and garnered the group’s attention for a few words of welcome.
“As you know, it’s been quite…an interesting year,” he began.
When he said the word, “interesting,” he cocked his head slightly and curled his lips into a “you-know-all-too-well-what-I’m-talking-about” smile. He went on to talk generally of the unexpected obstacles that the company faced – the nightmare issues that were never contemplated when the strategic plan and budget had been set forth way back in the fog of late 2010 – and the cleverness and resilience of the management team who deftly navigated those uncharted waters to successfully reach the other side. For now, at least.
“We fared well, all things considered,” he continued. Then he paused, took a long look around the room, and said, “You should be proud of yourselves for the results we are seeing this year. I hope you will all take a well-deserved time of rest this holiday season.”
This made my heart well up with joy and relief. Read more…
Take One Day Off Just For Yourself
I don’t know if it’s because I am getting older, but the days just seem to slip away before my eyes.
I am trying to practice all the things that the experts say to slow it down, like being present in the now, getting up an hour earlier, taking a few minutes every day for quiet meditation, and fully appreciating everything around me.
But still, the days rush away as I am caught up in the swirl of work, home responsibilities, events, obligations, and more or less taking care of everything that needs to get done. And to be honest, when I do find a few minutes at the end of the day, I’m tired.
It’s the tyranny of what’s next.
Maybe I’ve gotten too distractible, or hyper-responsible. Time is so precious, yet I am constantly chasing it like some elusive rare bird that I am trying to catch and put in a cage for safe keeping. There are things that I long for, but hardly ever find the time and mental space to do. Like writing more, reflecting, thinking big thoughts, and reading Harvard Business Review. I’ve got the past six issues piled up in my office, among a stack of other books, and it’s starting to scare me. And sometimes I complain to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could just have an open-ended chunk of time to sit at Starbucks and just read, or think, or write poetry, like all those other slugs and unemployed people I see there all the time?” Read more…
Grace To You, and Also To Your Business
My CFO, Dave, has coined a fancy new corporate theological term, called “Business Sovereignty.” He mentions it every time something turns out for the good that we didn’t really expect.
You wouldn’t guess that there are theological references to business – well, there aren’t, actually; thus his need to make something up.
Now, I’m no theologian, but I think the idea behind God’s sovereignty is that, no matter what happens in life, or what decisions we make, we can trust that God is somehow behind it all. Or encompassing it all. Or permeating it all. Or something like that.
Like I said, I’m no theologian.
What I do know, is that Dave and I are making decisions and taking risks as we are running the company, but God works it all out one way or the other, just like he does with the rest of our lives outside of business. We do our best to make good decisions, choosing good strategies, trying to be smart and getting good advice and hiring good people, but the truth is we never really know if we’ve made a good decision until weeks or months later. That’s when you see the results start kicking in, the shareholder value increasing, and the return on your investments (or not).
But there have been many times when we’ve made decisions without knowing all the variables and complexities (who ever really does?) and it still worked out somehow. In spite of ourselves. Or sometimes we start dabbling in some area without giving it much thought, yet later we discover that it sets us up for something brilliant. And we tell each other how brilliant we are, even though we know it was God, not us.
Thanks for the Lovely Gift Basket
Some new neighbors moved into the house across the street from us a few months ago.
Being the self-centered and aloof person that I am, I usually don’t give much thought when it comes to these things. But for some odd reason I got it in my head that I was going to turn over a new leaf and show generosity and a welcoming spirit to these new folks.
I imagined myself ringing their doorbell, surrounded by my wholesome family weighed down with gift baskets and steaming casseroles, as the new neighbors, sweating profusely and surrounded by unemptied boxes, open the door, and are immediately overwhelmed with our kindness. They invite us in and unravel their grief and loneliness as we solidify our caring friendship by inviting them to a newly formed small group bible study that happens to start meeting at our house next Tuesday.
“That Moore family was such a Godsend!” they would say as they watch us walking back to our house arm in arm singing Amazing Grace.
Anyway, I made a big deal about it with my wife and 16-year old daughter, sternly admonishing our family for not being more Christ-like in the past. “We are going to make a gift basket and bring it over next Sunday.” I announced. They both shrugged their shoulders and said, “Sure.” Read more…
You Are Capable of Far More Than You Think
I remember the first time I spoke in front of a large audience. The arrangements had been made months in advance, at which time it sounded enticing, even glamorous.
Truthfully, I was far more interested in the idea of me as a speaker, rather than concerning myself with the pesky details of the event itself. Besides, how hard could it be, to talk about something you know in front of a group of strangers?
But walking in to the cavernous auditorium that morning, it suddenly dawned on me: I have not quite thought this through. My dry mouth hung open as I gazed around the theatre, ultimately fixing my eyes on the enormous stage looming up front.
“Are you sure this is the right room?” I nervously checked in with my host. He just smiled and gave me a thumbs-up, while hundreds of people filed in to fill up the seats. The delicate little butterflies in my stomach now turned into violent, wrenching badgers, desperately trying to claw their way out.
I managed to complete the twenty-minute presentation without losing control of any major bodily functions, and made my exit to lackluster applause. I then proceeded directly to my hotel room, whereupon I curled up into a fetal position for the next two hours.
They say that, for most people, the fear of public speaking is worse than the fear of death, and I can see why. My talk was a disaster, and I wanted nothing more than to just hide out for a few months until the laughter died down.
But, of course, I didn’t do that. I eventually got up, splashed some cold water on my face, and headed down to re-join the conference proceedings.
Someone told me once that fear goes hand in hand with faith and fulfillment.
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